ESPNU Will Become ESPN 8 “The Ocho” Today

Screen Shot 2017-08-03 at 3.46.34 PM

 

ESPN Media Zone

Drawing inspiration from the 2004 hit movie “Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story” featuring Vince Vaughn, Christine Taylor and Ben Stiller, ESPNU will become ESPN8: “The Ocho” on Tuesday, Aug. 8, or more appropriately, 8/8.  For one day only, the faux network will feature a line-up of unconventional sporting events ranging from Disc Golf to Ultimate Trampoline Dodgeball and Firefighters World Challenge playing off the mantra highlighted in the movie: “Bringing you the Finest in Seldom Seen Sports”.

 

For one day, next Tuesday, Today!  ESPNU will transform into ESPN 8 “The Ocho”. What does that mean exactly? Well, we’ve got disco golf, roller derby, dodgeball on trampolines, firefighter challenges, cornhole, ultimate frisbee, and something called moxie games which apparently is every sport ever into one? Here’s the full schedule…

Screen Shot 2017-08-03 at 3.54.35 PM

SIGN ME THE FUCK UP.

ESPN has had this ace in the hole for YEARS to get people to actually watch their day-time programming and they’ve ignored the obvious. If I’m home during the summer and there’s no daytime baseball or any other sport I need something to watch. Here’s your goddamn answer. Give me firefighters doing challenges. Here’s word for word what the firefighter challenges include: “Firefighters from around the world compete in teams to complete a series of five tasks including climbing a five-story tower, dragging hoses and rescuing a life-sized, 175 lb. “victim”, all while wearing full bunker gear.” Are you kidding?  This sounds unbelievable.

How about Kabaddi? Ever heard of it? Mean neither, but it’s must watch. “A contact team sport that originated in India involving two teams and unique rule. The goal is for each team’s “raider” to tag as many of the opposing team’s players as possible and return to his/her home half all while taking just a single breath.”

Moxie Games sound absurd too. “An uncanny, new and amazing event which combines a variety of sports into one, such as dodgeball and juggling, martial arts and volleyball, and table tennis and soccer.” YUP. LET’S DO IT.

I swear sometimes I picture ESPN heads sitting in an office with drool coming out of their mouths and a monkey banging a tambourine in their brains. Same with Twitter when they decide to make the dumbest changes to their app. I almost guarantee you SVP or Buccigross came up with this brilliant idea.

If this is a success, and it will be, ESPN has to make this a permanent thing. ESPN 8 “The Ocho” would be playing 24/7 on our TVs not a question about it.

200

dodgeball-seeverywell

P.S. I neeeeeeeed Pepper Brooks and Cotton McKnight on the call for something in this.

 

Login error messages.

- OR -

Enter your email address to reset your password.

Login error messages.

Update your Username

Update your Password