Tinder Date Hits The Skidmarks In A BIG Way When Girl Clogs The Toilet, Tosses The Poop Out The Window, Gets Stuck In Window Trying To Retrieve Said Poop, And Calls The Fire Department To Unclog Her

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WOW. WHAT a story. I honestly don’t have much to add because of how well this young Shakespeare covered the events of his star-crossed date. But let’s make a few things clear: first, this chick can play for my team any day of the week. And secondly, if this dude is half as cool as he portends to be, these two are destined for wedding bells, white-picket fences, and working toilets. Or at the very least, a bathroom window that opens on to a pile of manure. Let’s explore their evening.

First, our girl. She clogs the toilet, panics, and hurls her obstructing feces like a baboon. That is one resourceful chick. At least she tried to put out her own fire, even though it led to a far larger fire that ultimately required the actual fire department. We all know this has to be the most embarrassing night of her life, but something tells me she was over it by morning. Why? Because how many girls do you know that would EVER come out and TELL you they’d thrown the poop out the window? I have to believe 99% of turd-hurlers would simply let that shit fly below the radar, until the neighbors filed a police report once the smell rendered life unlivable.

Secondly, not only did she come clean about a very messy situation (to a guy she met on Tinder, no less), she presented a solution! She was willing to risk life and limb to get that dump back. Of course, it backfired and made things infinitely worse. But at least she tried, right? It certainly sounds as though these two were on their way to some hanky panky, but if the dude didn’t seal the deal once the firemen left, I give up on romance. And everyone knows firemen are a great way to get the lady juices flowing.

If you’re a girl, HOW do you break that news to a guy on the first date?

“Hey, uhm, you know your toilet? Well, it didn’t work because I took a dump so large that it clogged. I was horrified and tried to fix it myself by scooping the shit out of the toilet and throwing it out the window. I know, right?! I was a girl scout. Anyway, the good news is, I do gymnastics on Thursdays and I think I can climb out the window, retrieve my poop, and bring it back so that it doesn’t grow legs and create a portal to the upside down. After that, we’ll dive into this scientology doc. Give me 5 minutes!”

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