Former Navy SEAL Wants To Solve North Korean Crisis By Dropping In 25 Million iPhones With Free WiFi
Business Insider — When Jocko Willink, a former US Navy SEAL, author, and occasional Business Insider contributor, was asked on Twitter how he would handle the North Korean crisis, he gave an unexpected answer that just might work, according to an expert.
Willink’s proposal didn’t involve any covert special operation strikes, or military moves of any kind. Instead of a bombs, Willink suggested the US drop iPhones.
“Drop 25 million iPhones on them and put satellites over them with free wifi,” tweeted Willink.
While the proposal itself is fantastical and a bit far fetched, Yun Sun, an expert on North Korea at the Stimson Center says the core concept could work.
“Kim Jong Un understands that as soon as society is open and North Korean people realize what they’re missing, Kim’s regime is unsustainable, and it’s going to be overthrown,” Sun told Business Insider.
I like this guy’s optimism but this is the worst plan ever. You drop 25 million iPhones into Pyongyang and you know what happens? Huge porn problem. No doubt about it. Little North Koreans jaggin’ off everywhere. Semen flowing through the streets like hurricane Irma’s storm surge through Miami. Hurricane Cum-uhhh-all-over. You think anybody’s going to grab a phone, see real internet access for the first time, and google freedom and liberty and the history of the North Korean regime and shit? Fuck no. They’re all taking paths that will one way or another lead to Pornhub dot com — whose collection of enjoyable content is extensive and compelling — and remaining there for several weeks. Maybe months. Maybe years. Maybe in perpetuity.
What’s the first thing you did when your parents left you alone in the house with America OnLine access? You dialed up that shit and surfed for as many naked chicks as you could find. Eventually found real porn and couldn’t get enough of it. You didn’t search for what the real world is like. You didn’t scour the internet for enlightenment; you searched for what staged sex looks like you and loved every second of it.
Sadly I don’t think dropping millions of iPhones with free wifi into North Korea solves the North Korean crisis. I think it just glues many North Korean hands to many North Korean dicks.