Say Cheese If You Settled A Lawsuit Against A Dummy Photographer

(Photo courtesy Naruto the monkey or David Slater)

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — Attorneys announced a settlement Monday in a lawsuit over who owns the copyright to selfie photographs taken by a monkey before a federal appeals court could answer the novel legal question.
Under the deal, the photographer whose camera was used to take the photos agreed to donate 25 percent of any future revenue from the images to charities dedicated to protecting crested macaques in Indonesia, lawyers for an animal-rights group said.
Attorneys for the group and the photographer, David Slater, asked the San Francisco-based 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals to dismiss the case and throw out a lower court decision that said animals cannot own copyrights.

I love this story and not because I’m on the record as being a huge macaques guy. Love macaques. They are truly one of the world’s special creatures. Lots of people don’t know this about me but I took several monkey related courses in college. Couldn’t get enough of the primates. I’m talkin gibbons, baboons, macaques, and of course our pals the chimpanzees and bonobos.

I know what you’re thinking. “Bonobos? What in the fuckin heck is a bonobo?”

Well, a bonobo is very closely related to a chimpanzee but with one large distinction. They fuck. Boy, do they ever fuck. Bonobos entire social structure is based on who can fuck the best. Males. Females. Doesn’t matter. You get in an argument with another bonobo and you are fucking until the argument is settled. Incredible.

Imagine being at a grocery store and someone takes the last carton of organic free-range brown eggs. You dont fight in the dairy section about that. You hump each other until someone submits.

Trying to hail a taxi and can’t decide who the ride rightfully belongs to? Hope you brought lube because there’s about to be a fuck fest, yall.

Anyway, this macaque took an amazing selfie. Everyone can see that. He’s smiling as brightly as the sun with his chompers out for the world to see. It’s a great selfie. There’s no denying that. But think of the lawyer.

He’s at a dark bar with his suit’s tie loosened to the point where the knot is just barely hanging on. The lead lawyer in the case runs his hands through his hair and takes a long pull of the bourbon. He asked for it on the rocks and when he takes the final sip, the ice shakes free from the bottom of the glass causing the contents of the glass to crash forward around his nose and drip on to his pants.

“Shit! Can this day get any worse? I had to concede the lawsuit to that adorable macaque which caused my clients thousands of dollars. Why couldn’t it have been a bonobo? My client and that monkey could have just fucked each other and this would have been over months ago.”

I hate to agree with a lawyer but he’s absolutely right.

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