Should I Be Able To Sue My Hotel For Butthole Malfeasance?

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I’m not one to typically complain, but allow me to complain a little bit here. When I come to New York, I stay in a decent hotel. It’s right up the street from the office. I’ve stayed there damn near every time I’ve come to town. There’s been a change in toilet paper policy at the hotel and I just found out about it this morning.

What the fuck is this? What is this nonsense? It feels like I’m staying at a fucking national park and not a hotel in midtown NYC. You throw me in the woods and I’m more than happy to clean my butt with this tp. I prefer thin paper over leafs, folks! I expect a certain level of comfort when I’m at a hotel.

Legit see-through. You can see through the toilet paper! Do you know what a loose stool will do to thin paper like that? I do! Not good. In fact, actually bad. As a longtime stoolie (decade of diarrhea), I appreciate a thicc ply. Ply so thicc you could write a book on that bitcc. Ply so thicc you could use it as a pillow. Ply so thicc it could be a jizz rag for mashed potato ropes. I have four more days here. I think I’ll have to go buy some toilet paper for my room. I cannot abide half ply. I’m not trying to be a pussy about my ass but enough is enough.

PS. Striking through the word counts as not saying pussy in the blog. The tradition continues.

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