Ted Cruz Dunked On Blake Bortles And Then Masturbated While On Twitter


First of all, what a tweet by the Senator from Texas. Anytime you can interact with the hottest podcast in the game, you gotta do it. As some one who basically lives on Twitter, I appreciate a great tweet when I see one. Last night I went to sleep knowing that a Senator from my state was not only doing everything that he could with hurricane relief but that he was also bringing a little comedic relief to the table as well.

Speaking of relief, Ted Cruz masturbated. Well, I don’t know that for sure. He could just look at porn for the art of it. Maybe he didn’t touch himself to completion, but I have a feeling that a Texas Senator finishes what he starts. It’s called work ethic and it’s important to Texans.

“Hey Chaps. How do you know that Ted Cruz was lookin at a little adult video action?”

May I present exhibit A to the Stoolie Court!

Click here for the NSFW thumbnail

Folks, that’s a nipple and people having sex in the back of the room. The woman in the front appears to be masturbating herself while the other people in the back have sex. That’s a porno. Plain and simple.

I don’t hate Ted Cruz for jerking his dick to the fucking moon while watching a free clip on twitter dot com; I hate Ted Cruz because he removed the favorite from his twitter account which further allows masturbation shaming to continue. It’s time for a prominent politician to just announce to the world that he/she needs a little sexual release to fall asleep. I just wish that Ted Cruz would come out and say that he likes to shoot off big ropes of semen, Cruz Missiles, before bed. Is that too hard? Well, not after you’ve been on Sexual Posts for 4 minutes it isn’t.

Could have been a social media person too. Cant sue us now lol


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