The Lice Shaming Epidemic Rolls Through Wrigley Field Aimed At Bryce Harper

First of all, Big Cat was being ugly in his double ps. He knows that. I’ll never PS. That’s a promise.

On to the real story.

Whan an allegation. Inflammatory? Possibly. Look, I’ve had lice a few times in my life. It’s nothing to get bent out of shape over. It’s bugs, people. Just a few bugs.

Now, I dont think this is true. I bet Bryce doesn’t have lice. Even he would admit that getting accused of having lice really stings the ole ego. Plus his name rhymes with lice which stinks.

If Bryce does indeed have lice, he is a monster. Not because he has lice. That happens even to the most handsome people of all time. No shame in getting lice. The problem is that he’s haphazard with the lice. If Bryce Harper is, as his accusers are saying, “overflowing like a bucket of hummus with lice”, he’s being irresponsible.

You cant just toss your hair around like a supermodel getting out of the pool when you have more lice than the population of Brooklyn living on your scalp.

PS: I’m not saying that these lice rumors, which we wont spread or propagate under any circumstance, caused the Nationals to lose. I will say that hearing your friend and teammate has lice is rather unnerving so it certainly didn’t help. If it’s not true, Bryce needs to get a lawyer and sue these women for all they are worth.

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