Does This Look Like The Face Of A Guy Who Threatened McDonalds’ Employees With A Knife In One Hand And His Dick In The Other?
Metro- A homeless man terrified McDonald’s staff in Cornwall when he began waving his penis around with one hand and a knife in the other. Edward James Wright had already threatened staff at a nearby petrol station and held someone up at knife point before to got to the St Austell McDonald’s. Wright pleaded guilty at Truro Crown Court to charges of robbery, possessing a knife, assault, criminal damage and exposure. Prosecutor Jason Beal described how Wright chased a man he had tried to mug to McDonald’s at 6.30am on August 28. He said: ‘The defendant approached and began banging his knife against the window. ‘He appeared to damage his knife and, in response to that, the defendant then took his penis out of his trousers and began waving that around to the people who were inside.’
This guy made one really big mistake (among a string of life mistakes that led to him being homeless but one big mistake when it comes to holding up a McDonalds). You gotta lead with the dick. He didn’t even need the knife really. Lead with the dick. People are way more scared of dicks than knives. That’s a fact. The reason being is the unpredictability when a dick makes an appearance. You know what’s going to happen when a knife makes an appearance. Somebody is gonna get stabbed or they’re not gonna get stabbed. Knives are boring. A dick though? A dick has like 50 possibilities. Maybe more. Endless possibilities when a dick makes an appearance during a stick up robbery. He can smack people with it. He can piss on people with it. He can cum on people with it. He can put his balls on someone’s head. He can whip it around like a helicopter. Each one of those things is infinitely scarier than a knife. I’d much rather get stabbed in the stomach than have a pair of balls placed on my head or a dick helicoptered in my face. Lesson learned. Lead. With. The. Dick.