I Played Justin Tuck In Madden Today And It Was A Blast (Partially Because He Made Fun Of Smitty The Whole Time)
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So there it is. That bitch ass Irma may have pushed Bucs-Dolphins back to Week 11, but you basically got your own Grays Almanac to know exactly what will happen. The Phins jump out to a big league, the Bucs battle back through some shitty patchwork offense, and Cameron Brate walked a tightrope on the goal line and COULDN’T WALK ONE INCH INTO THE END ZONE BECAUSE HIS AGILITY MUST BE A 0. Not that I’m angry or anything. Justin Tuck was the better man on the virtual gridiron just like he is on the real gridiron. I’ve never had so much fun listening to a man pick apart Smitty with his mouth, and then later pick him apart with his body.
As always our favorite hardo claimed malfeasance.
To continue his domination, Justin Tuck treated the Barstool Autograph Board like he did the Patriots offensive line in those two glorious Super Bowls.
And he was nice enough to sign my laptop, since I figured that would be better than signing my blog of him retiring.
Now my Madden record in the office stands at 2-2. I am 2-0 against Smitty, who can’t buy a basket in life. But I am 0-2 against NFL players, who have had life by the balls for years. Average those things out and it turns out that I am the common man, which is just fine by me. We are going to be starting a Barstool Madden League tomorrow with a bunch of guys in the office. All teams will be chosen at random just like Justin and I did in our video and straight cash homie will be on the line. I would say I am confident since I have never lost a game to my blogger brethren. But I am also 0-5 in this season’s Madden, which is a fucking problem.
Again, shout out to Justin Tuck and Draftkings for making this all possible.
Not only did Draftkings get Justin to Barstool HQ, but they are also giving you a chance to win a billion dollars. All you have to do is create the perfect fantasy football lineup for this week in their Billion Dollar Lineup challenge and then boom, you are richer than Justin Tuck, Dave Portnoy, AND me! And if a billion dollars isn’t your thing, you can play in Justin Tuck’s Draftkings league and hopefully have better luck against him in fake football than I did.