After Making Their Way Through The NHL, The Mumps Are Now Taking Over College Lacrosse

Virginia v Syracuse

Syracuse.com – The Syracuse men’s and women’s lacrosse teams are shutting down practice and scrimmages for the rest of the fall season in response to an outbreak of mumps.

During the past few weeks, SU has been working with state and Onondaga County Health Department officials to respond to confirmed cases of mumps among its student population. Currently, eight students have been diagnosed with mumps, including members of the men’s and women’s lacrosse teams. 

I always assumed that the mumps were a disease that we eradicated back in the 50s or something. Basically I just always equate the mumps to polio. Polio, smallpox, mumps. All diseases of the past I thought. And then a few years ago an outbreak of the mumps swept across the NHL. It gave us this incredible photo of Sidney Crosby that I carry around in my wallet to this day.

crosby-mumps

Still, I just assumed this was some random outbreak because maybe Canadians don’t vaccinate for mumps. But no. Turns out the mumps are back in a huge way and they’ve set their sights on college lacrosse. Starting with one of the biggest programs in the game, the Syracuse Orange.

Now here’s where we need to start if we’re going to end this outbreak before it sweeps all across the DI landscape. Out of the 8 students who have been diagnosed so far at Cuse, there are members of both the men’s and the women’s teams. You know what that says to me? Naturally, it says that everybody is hooking up. Same school, same sport, same parties. I feel like the only sports teams on college campuses that are more incestuous in terms of hooking up with people who play the same sport would be track teams. Pretty sure all they do is fuck and run and fuck some more and run some more. Men’s and women’s lacrosse are a close 2nd though. It all starts with a patient zero and once everybody is banging, all of a sudden you have 2 full teams full of softball cheeks. So you want this thing to go away? Quit fucking.

Unless this is some sort of ploy for both teams to win the Natty this year. In the last two years, one school has won both the men’s and women’s DI National Championship. North Carolina in 2016 and Maryland in 2017. Syracuse would love to be the 3rd school in 3 years to do the same. So what do they do? They go out and they get the mumps. But they get the mumps early in September/October and all they have to miss is fall ball. The disease stays dormant for a few months and then comes back again during the season. Only team who remains healthy the whole year is Cuse and they get the win on Memorial Day. Biological warfare, baby. Gotta love it.

@BarstoolJordie

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