Not Too Sure If It’s A Best Man’s Duty To Tie The Groom To A Lamppost Then Ignite Fireworks From His Ass

CHINA – On the day that his buddy was to be married, one best man decided that the best way to send his friend to his next stage in life was to strap a whole bunch of firecrackers to his butt and set them alight. In video of the incident, the groom is seen tied tightly to a lamppost near the street in Guangzhou with a bundle of firecrackers firmly secured to his ass. The groom’s “friend” then lights up the firecrackers, setting off a series of small explosions which make their way to the poor guy’s buttocks. As you might expect, the stunt landed the groom at the hospital with a bloody backside.

Hmmm. And here I thought the Best Man’s duties started with organizing the bachelor party and ended with a speech. Little did I know you were responsible for borderline committing first degree murder via explosives in up the pooper directly before the ceremony. I’m sure the bride-to-be loves her new husband’s taint now resembles Harvey Dent/Two-Face. Weddings day activities apparently aside, it’s probably wise to steer clear of lighting explosives in or around the rectum. Or anywhere close to human flesh. But anything that involves fire that’s within 3 ft of unprotected crown jewels is just a recipe for disaster.  If this guy isn’t shitting blood until the next Olympics, which is a big IF, he’s one lucky dude.  Also, props to him for looking like he didn’t give a single fuck while literal TNT explodes around, and on him. In the end, pleasing the crowd is all that matters. Well, that and not melting your nuts off after lighting fireworks on your ass. Can’t win ‘em all.

And yet somehow lighting a firework in your butt seems safer than holding one in your hand. Who woulda thought?

PS – Obligatory bootleg JESUS. Still safer than whatever explosives they sell in China.

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